Choices to Make After Infidelity

November 24, 2023by Adam Sacks

Infidelity is a painful and traumatic experience that can challenge the very foundation of trust in a romantic relationship. It can take many forms, including both physical and emotional affairs.

Regardless of the type of infidelity, the healing journey after betrayal requires making important choices and decisions. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to dealing with infidelity. Each individual and couple will have their own unique circumstances and needs.

Each partner must define what infidelity means to them personally, and consider choices regarding how to move forward.

Impact of Infidelity on a Relationship

Infidelity can have a devastating impact on a relationship, causing profound emotional and psychological effects for both partners involved. The discovery of infidelity often shatters the foundation of trust that a relationship is built upon.

The betrayed partner’s self-esteem may be greatly affected as they question their worth and attractiveness; they also may experience feeling:

  • Deceived
  • Hurt
  • Humiliated
  • Sense of betrayal


Impact of Infidelity on a Relationship


The emotional connection and intimacy between partners may suffer as a result of infidelity. The betrayed partner may struggle to open up and be vulnerable again, fearing that they will be hurt once more. [1] The unfaithful partner may experience:

  • Guilt
  • Regret
  • Shame

Rebuilding intimacy and connection becomes a challenging task that requires open communication, understanding, and forgiveness from both partners.

The consequences of infidelity go beyond the immediate pain and turmoil. The impact can extend to other areas of the relationship, such as increased conflict and decreased satisfaction.

The couple may find it difficult to navigate through the emotional aftermath, leading to persistent tension and arguments. Trust issues may also persist, making it harder for the relationship to fully recover and thrive.


Making Decisions After an Affair

After the discovery of infidelity, the path forward can feel daunting and uncertain. Both partners may be faced with a multitude of choices and decisions regarding the future of their relationship.

This period can be a challenging time filled with intense emotions, but it is also an opportunity to reflect, heal, and make choices that can lead to growth and a healthier future. It is important to approach this process with patience, compassion, and a willingness to do the necessary work.

By seeking professional help, considering various options, and assessing personal needs and values, couples can navigate this difficult time and make choices that are aligned with what is best for their individual and shared well-being.


Understanding the Healing Process

Healing after infidelity is a complex and challenging journey that requires a deep understanding of your partner’s pain.

It is vital for the unfaithful party to acknowledge the hurt caused by their actions and express genuine remorse. Rebuilding trust and repairing the relationship won’t happen overnight, but with commitment and effort, it can be achieved.

Both partners must be actively involved and willing to put in the necessary work. This involves reflecting on the reasons behind the affair, understanding the vulnerabilities that led to it, and taking responsibility for one’s actions.

Learning to connect on a deeper level, listening with empathy, and expressing vulnerability are all important steps toward rebuilding the relationship. Seek professional help, such as marriage counseling, to facilitate open and honest conversations.

Establish boundaries regarding contact with the affair partner. This may include eliminating social media contacts or any other reminders of the betrayal.


Seeking Professional Advice

Relationship counseling, particularly emotionally-focused couples therapy, can be instrumental in helping couples navigate the rocky path of healing and rebuilding trust. [2]

Professional counselors are trained to create a safe and supportive environment where couples can openly express their:

  • Concerns
  • Fears
  • Feelings

They provide unbiased perspectives and facilitate open communication, allowing both partners to feel heard and understood.

In therapy, couples can address the underlying issues that contributed to the infidelity, explore the impact it had on the relationship, and work towards finding a resolution.

Without seeking professional help, couples may find it difficult to effectively process their emotions and move forward. Unresolved issues and unaddressed pain can fester, leading to resentment and further strain on the relationship.

Rebuilding trust after infidelity is incredibly challenging without the guidance of a trained professional who can provide strategies and tools for overcoming the betrayal.

Seeking Professional Advice

Identifying Personal Choices to Make

After the discovery of infidelity in a relationship, individuals may find themselves at a crossroads, unsure of how to move forward. Taking personal responsibility and making certain choices can be instrumental in facilitating the healing process and rebuilding trust in the relationship.

Choosing Boundaries and Transparency: Setting clear boundaries and practicing transparency can help rebuild trust. Both partners can choose to establish guidelines for appropriate behavior, such as avoiding contact with the affair partner, being open about social media contacts, and being accountable for their whereabouts.

Choosing Open and Honest Communication: Infidelity shatters the foundation of trust in a relationship. Choosing to communicate openly and honestly about feelings, fears, and concerns is essential for rebuilding trust. It allows both partners to express themselves freely, listen empathetically, and work towards mutual understanding and forgiveness.

Choosing Patience and Forgiveness: Healing from infidelity takes time. Choosing to be patient with oneself and the healing process is vital. It also involves making the choice to forgive the unfaithful partner. While forgiveness may not happen overnight, it is a choice that can contribute to personal healing and rebuilding the relationship.

Choosing Self-Reflection and Personal Growth: After infidelity, individuals can choose to embark on a journey of self-reflection and personal growth. Taking responsibility for one’s actions, examining personal vulnerabilities, and addressing any contributing factors can lead to individual healing and contribute to a healthier relationship in the future.

Choosing to Seek Professional Help: One of the most important choices individuals can make is to seek the guidance of a licensed therapist or marriage counselor. Professional counseling provides a safe and supportive environment where both partners can address the underlying issues that contributed to the infidelity, heal from the emotional trauma, and work towards rebuilding trust.

By making these personal choices, individuals can actively participate in the healing process and work towards rebuilding trust with their partner. Each situation is unique, and professional guidance can best address the specific needs and circumstances of each couple.


Potential Consequences of Decisions

Rash decisions can jeopardize the healing process and mask the underlying issues that contributed to the infidelity. For example, seeking immediate separation or divorce without addressing the root causes can lead to unresolved emotional pain and prevent true healing from taking place.

Getting involved in revenge affairs or engaging in destructive behaviors may provide temporary satisfaction but can ultimately hinder personal growth and sabotage future relationships.

Making sound decisions requires emotional self-care and clarity. It may be tempting to make impulsive choices driven by anger, hurt, or a desire for revenge, but taking the time to process emotions and seek professional guidance is essential.

Ignoring the importance of emotional self-care and rushing into decisions can prolong the healing process and lead to further pain and confusion.

The decisions made after infidelity can impact the future of the relationship for good or take it to a point of no return.

Potential Consequences of Decisions


If you feel that divorce has become your only option, our experienced divorce lawyers at Sacks & Sacks can help. Contact us today for a free consultation.



[1] A. (2016, April 21). Infidelity: Making a Decision – Counselling Connection. Counselling Connection.

[2] 10 Common Marriage Reconciliation Mistakes to Avoid After Infidelity. (2023, September 14). Choosing Therapy.

by Adam Sacks

Adam Sacks is lead Family Law Attorney at Law Offices of Sacks & Sacks, P.A. in Jacksonville, Florida. He has a BA in Psychology from 1994, and received his Juris Doctor Degree in 1999 from the Western Michigan University Cooley Law School.

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1646 Emerson St. Suite B Jacksonville, FL 32207

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