Are you currently in the process of getting a divorce? Here are some tips to help you navigate.
Benefits of a Healthy Divorce
One of the primary advantages of a healthy divorce is the preservation of mental health. Going through a divorce is undoubtedly an emotional time, but a healthy divorce ensures that both parties prioritize their well-being. Through effective communication and a willingness to work together, couples can navigate the divorce process in a way that minimizes conflict and promotes emotional well-being.
By navigating the divorce process in a respectful and amicable manner, individuals can maintain a level of respect and goodwill towards their former spouse. This is particularly important in cases where children are involved.
Children benefit immensely when they witness their parents working together in a respectful manner, as it helps alleviate the negative impact of the separation.
By approaching the divorce process with a focus on effective communication, negotiation, and practicality, couples can come to fair and equitable resolutions regarding assets, debts, and financial arrangements.
Resolving financial matters amicably can help individuals establish stability and start anew after a divorce. By examining the factors that contributed to the divorce and acknowledging personal accountability, individuals can gain insight from their experiences and make constructive changes moving forward.
A healthy divorce allows individuals to embark on a journey of self-discovery and personal healing, laying the foundation for happier and more fulfilling lives.
In 2019, divorce rates reached the lowest rates we’ve seen in 50 years.
For every 1,000 marriages in 2019, only 7.6 resulted in divorce, according to the American Community Survey data from the Census Bureau. [1]
Working with a Mediator
Mediation offers a cooperative and less adversarial approach to divorce. A mediator acts as a neutral third party, facilitating communication and negotiation between you and your spouse. Their goal is to help you find common ground and reach mutually agreeable solutions.
Working with a mediator provides assistance in addressing the practical and emotional aspects of divorce.
They facilitate difficult conversations, promote open and respectful communication, and establish a safe and neutral environment for both parties to express themselves.
Mediators can also provide information on different divorce options, such as litigation or collaborative divorce, and help individuals make informed decisions based on their specific goals and circumstances.
Statistics reveal that mediation is highly successful in achieving amicable divorces. According to recent studies, approximately 80% of couples who choose mediation are able to reach a settlement agreement, avoiding litigation. [2]
Setting Clear Boundaries in Negotiations and Communication
Clearly define your needs, limits, and priorities upfront. Take some time to reflect on what is most important to you and what you are willing to compromise on. This self-awareness will enable you to communicate your boundaries more effectively and avoid being swayed by external pressures or emotions during negotiations.
Create a mutually agreed-upon schedule for discussions in order to avoid impromptu or emotionally charged conversations that may derail progress. By adhering to a structured communication plan, both parties can have the necessary space and time to gather their thoughts, minimize conflict, and approach discussions with a calmer mindset.
Avoid talking about unrelated topics or revisiting past conflicts during negotiations. Stick to the matters directly related to the divorce process. This will help keep discussions focused and prevent unnecessary tension or conflict.
Clearly express your needs and limits in a calm and composed manner, without resorting to aggression or manipulation. Use “I” statements to express your emotions and observations, ensuring that the conversation remains centered on your personal experience rather than making accusations. [3]
By honoring each other’s limits and being mindful of personal boundaries, you can foster an environment of mutual respect, which is necessary for healthy negotiations and post-divorce co-parenting.
Practicing Self-Care to Cope with Intense Feelings During Difficult Times
Self-care involves taking intentional actions to nurture and prioritize your physical, mental, and emotional health. By incorporating self-care into your routine, you can better navigate the emotional rollercoaster of divorce and emerge stronger on the other side.
Allow yourself to feel and process these intense feelings without judgment or shame. It’s natural to experience a wide range of emotions during a divorce, including sadness, anger, fear, and confusion. By accepting and validating these emotions, you can begin to work through them in a healthy way.
Engaging in activities that bring you happiness and relaxation can be beneficial in coping with strong emotions. Integrate activities that resonate with you into your daily schedule to redirect negative feelings.
Physical well-being plays a significant role in managing emotions and overall mental health. Prioritize self-care activities that nourish your body, such as taking long baths, reading a good book, or getting a massage.
Seeking support from trusted friends, family members, or a mental health professional is another aspect of self-care. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help when needed. Surrounding yourself with a support system can provide much-needed comfort, guidance, and perspective during challenging moments.
Avoid Talking About Divorce on Social Media
Discussing personal matters like divorce on social media can have negative effects on your mental and emotional well-being. Social media platforms are public, and once something is shared online, it can be difficult to control who sees it or how it’s interpreted. Negative comments or unsolicited advice from acquaintances or strangers can further exacerbate an already challenging time.
Airing grievances or sharing details about your divorce on social media can also have legal ramifications. Divorce proceedings often involve sensitive and private information, which should be handled confidentially. Sharing these details online can compromise your case and potentially impact the outcomes of custody battles or financial negotiations. [4]
Be on the Same Page with the Kids
Children are often deeply affected by the divorce process and may struggle with their emotions, feelings of sadness, confusion, or even anger. Maintaining open lines of communication between both parents can provide a sense of stability and reassurance for your kids.
By collaborating with your ex-spouse on creating and maintaining consistent routines and rules for your children, you minimize any confusion or added stress that can arise during this already difficult process.
One way to achieve this is by having open and regular discussions with your ex-spouse about important decisions regarding your children’s lives. This can include matters such as visitation schedules, extracurricular activities, medical or educational decisions, or even rules around cell phone or internet usage.
Having a clear understanding of each other’s perspectives and finding common ground can help create a sense of stability for your children. It also sets a positive example of effective communication and problem-solving, which can greatly benefit them in the long run.
As parents, you want what’s best for your children. By maintaining a united front and being consistent in your approach to parenting, you can help alleviate any potential confusion or emotional toll your children may experience during this time.
There is some research that suggests that children will adjust to divorce within 2 years of it occurring. [5]
We at Sacks & Sacks offer our expertise and personalized approach, which will help you achieve a fair settlement and promote positive communication with your ex-spouse.
Contact our experienced divorce attorneys today to schedule a consultation and let us assist you in navigating your healthy divorce.
Sources:
[1] Pedersen, T. (2023, February 28). How Many First Marriages End in Divorce? Statistics and Facts. Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/health/the-myth-of-the-high-rate-of-divorce#divorce-statistics
[2] Is Mediation the Key to Amicable Divorce? Discover the 80% Success Rate. – Mediate.com. (2023, June 27). Mediate.com. https://mediate.com/news/is-mediation-the-key-to-amicable-divorce-discover-the-80-success-rate/
[3] Vossenkemper, T. (2022, March 10). How to Use I-Statements Effectively and Accurately — The Counseling Hub. The Counseling Hub. https://thecounselinghub.com/news/mkniuct0phmijh51wz0qb4ksstgfpq
[4] Landers, J. (2013, August 20). How Social Media Can Affect Your Divorce. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/jefflanders/2013/08/20/how-social-media-can-affect-your-divorce/?sh=45a3dab635a3
[5] Parker, W. (2022, February 21). Key Statistics About Kids From Divorced Families. Verywell Family. https://www.verywellfamily.com/children-of-divorce-in-america-statistics-1270390
